Welcome..Let's see how this works

So here I find myself still stuck in Wisconsin...not at all where I pictured I would be but I am going to make the most of it. I am starting a new career, just moved to a new city, have a new apartment, meeting new friends...not really as scarey as I thought it would be...it's a chance to start all over...re-invent myself...learn who I really am...find happiness and peace again...calm down...stop worrying so much...and just have a good time. So I am ready for this thing they call real life...ready to become a slave to my work for the next year (god bless my family and friends for sticking behind me in my decision to disappear from their lives for the next year...and thank-you from the bottom of my heart to those who vow to still be around when it's done, you are my true friends...my heart goes out to all of you...I would not be able to do this if you weren't there by my side the whole time)...and finally....ready to figure out who I am...wonder who I'll become...hmmm, interesting. Below you will find my life put into words...a sinkhole into what is now my life...I will try to explain things...I'll include pictures as I get them in my Photos section...enjoy...dont judge, just listen...I may be down at times, but if you all stand by me I will keep smiling... Well, I am sitting here in my apartment actually starting up this website...I have had a few days off...Wed, Thurs...and now I am on call as of midnight until 12am Saturday. I was hoping to leave town on my days off...but no, they schedule rounds for us right in the middle of the day, so no, I am stuck sitting here by myself on days off. This internship is very hard...12 hour shifts are actually 18-20hr shifts. I have been working 2p-2a but not getting out until 6-7am. Then its home to shower and hop into bed for a few hours before getting up and repeating everything again. I usually work 3-4 days in a row...and that is enough...any more than that and you are dragging...this clinic is very busy and so 18 hrs goes by very fast. I have so far been on the floor which means I am receiving cases my entire shift. I have to say it is cool to finally be a doctor and to be able to perform the diagnostics, figure out what is going on, and cure the patient...I really enjoy that part. The bad thing is that we are so busy that you don't always have time to think about the case or read like you would like to and figure out more...I guess that is ER for you though. I am learning to juggle the huge number of cases...learning that I am only one person and that if the case has to wait then it has to wait because I simply cannot be in two places at once. I have unfortunately gotten very comfortable performing euthanasias. Not a night goes by that I don't perform at least one...and I don't like to say I am getting hard, but I at least do not always feel like crying anymore...although I will admit I have shared a tear with one or two clients...and I probably always will because no matter how much you know it is time to let go...actually letting go of that special friend is completely devastating... I am a cat person...I love Cosmo to death, but only him...however, in the clinic...cats are NOT NICE!!! They bite and claw and make physical examination impossible. A lot of times I find myself doing my physical exam on a sleeping cat....after I have knocked it out with a heavy dose of sedative!!! This is so that I can actually open the cage door and look in see that..yes, indeed that is a cat in the carrier. I read a saying the other day that went like this: "if you are unmotivated, lethargic, listless, prone to wild mood swings, and have a sporadic appetite...you are either a very depressed person or a cat." Hmmm, maybe I am part cat? I do not know what I am going to do tomorrow. I am on call so I have to sit in my apartment and stare at my phone for 24 hours...and hope like hell it doesn't start ringing...that is bad to say, but come on, I need time away from that place. I should be sleeping now in case I get called in but I have found that I cannot sleep now because I am used to staying up until 6am and then sleeping....it messes me up. Days off make me realize how alone I am here...but life goes on... Well, I am going to head out...to bed that is..try to sleep...might open up one of my text books...that puts me right to sleep!!! This is my favorite time of day...because I get to cross off another day on the calendar...and I get to sleep so that I am not thinking of how much I am not enjoying myself and how much I miss certain people in my life...(and one small black and white bug-eyed boston terrier!)