Dr. Engholdt

Dr. Engholdt

Inner Strength Will Get You Thru Anything

"If there's something you know you can do....but your mind keeps throwing up road blocks...just drive right through them!"

My Life As An ER Intern...

This is the story of my life as an Emergency & Critical Care Intern at the Animal Emergency Center. I wanted to start this page as a way for my family and friends to keep in touch with me. I have discovered that for the next year of my life, I will be a slave to this internship...you won't see me and possibly won't hear from me. I apologize already...and that is why I want to give something back to each and every one of you for standing by my side through what may be the toughest year of my life. I don't want to lose any of you...I want you to know what I am going through...I want you to experience it with me...so I have decided to place it all here within these pages. Please let me know what you are all up to...this will help to keep me sane...and it will give me a reason to smile on those days when I find myself locked inside the clinic bathroom cyring!! (yes it does happen...in fact the clinic bathroom is fast becoming my place of calm in the middle of what I like to refer to as Hurricane AEC)

I think about you all and I wonder what you are up to...I wish I could talk to each of you every day...especially on those days when I just need to hear a friendly voice. I want you all to know that without your support I will not make it through this year...so stick with me through the rough times because I think I see some clear skies ahead.

Monday, April 7, 2008

Sometimes it's the things that don't go right that end up making life perfect in the end...

Well, I know I haven't written in a while... I could make excuses and say I have been busy, which would be true but that is not the whole reason I have not written. I started this blog excited about my profession, fresh out of school, interested in everything that I was doing. Then afer a while things happen that make you open your eyes and look around and you realize you've ended up somewhere that really isn't what you thought it would be and the little string that you were holding on to that was getting you through ends up breaking...then you are falling and you see all these loose strings hanging around that you could grab to stop the fall...only you have no idea which one to grab because what if you end up unhappy again....so you keep falling and hoping that the right string will just wrap itself around your wrist and catch you. Yeah...life just doesn't happen like that. I should explain. By now you all know I didn't match for a residency position. So for me...I have spent this year in an internship I really do not like and for what?...nothing because the whole reason of it was so that I could end up in a residency position. So, now it is making it really hard for me....even though I only have 3 months and 1 day until I am done here. And so now I think..."now what?" I know I don't like ER med....don't want to do general practice...have been offered an advanced internship in Critical Care with a residency guarantee the next year in Tampa, Florida...and am waiting on an internal medicine residency position in LA which more than likely I will not get...arghhh!!! Honestly...I feel right now like I could walk away from this field and not care...and that is scary because it is really all I have ever wanted to do (minus a short stint where I thought I might want to do Marine Biology)...I am hoping it is just frustration and it will pass once I am done with my internship here. I had so many goals, dreams and now it doesn't seem like they will happen....which I know is life...it just takes a while to get used to. SO...I apologize but with thinking about all of this and putting all my effort into getting through each shift and each day... I really have not felt like writing about things. BUT alas...the warm weather is near...my time here is ticking...and I am getting more used to the fact that a normal job with normal hours may not be such a bad thing...so here I am back again...sharing my stories...and trying to get back to making it about the animals and not about what I want...because if I do that then I can't hate my job...because really... how can you not want to help the little furry beasts!! Especially since at the end of every day...no matter how horrible my day was... I open my apartment door and my two little burdocks are there waiting to stick to my leg and follow me wherever I decide to take them...
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The Story of the Five Balls

Imagine life is a game in which you are juggling five balls. The balls are called work, family, health, friends, and integrity. And you are keeping all of them in the air. But one day you finally come to understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. The other four balls - family, health, friends, integrity - are made of glass. If you drop one of these, it will be irrevocably scuffed, nicked, perhaps even shattered...either way, it will never be the same and may be lost forever. Be careful when life starts to get rough...juggle carefully. And, once you truly understand the lesson of the five balls...you will have the beginnings of balance in your life.